equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   Someday i'll live in my OWN basement!

   Some women have mood swings, some have entire playgrounds with slides and merrygorounds and teeter totters. You should avoid those ones, Unless they are willing to have sex on the monkey bars, you can make an exception for those ones...

   Keep the planet clean. Its not Uranus

   a Genie told me I could have a great memory or an epic Phallus, but for the life of me I can't remember which one I chose...

   There is a name for people without beards.... Women!

   Bill Murray walked up to me today in McDonalds, grabbed a fry off of my tray, ate it, and said " No one is gonna believe you"

   I like people how I like my coffee... I don't like coffee.

   Never faked a sarcasm in my life.

   I am NOT playing "Hard-to-Get". I'm playing "I-Don't-Want-You"

   I want to motorboat her soul.

   You're not stupid, You're just an exceptionally gifted monkey.

   Does your family have a history of stupidity or is it just you?

   "I hate Tacos!" Said no Juan ever

   Did you know that if you put your ear up to a strangers leg you can hear them say, "WTF are you doing?"

   Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by Vegetarians. Stop the violence. Eat Bacon!

   BREAKING NEWS!! Hillary will not be running for Prez in 2016 due to the brain tumor found during her recent colonoscopy!

   I wonder how many times in the past I was wrong before she entered my life and started keeping track?

   Coffee, You're on the bench. Alcohol...suit up!

   Stop saying that I'm hard to shop for. Surely you know where the Liquor store is....

   I'm running out of reasons not to stab you.