Scottyp Funny Status Messages

   I've been invited to a Post-Rapture looting event but I replied "Maybe attending" because I've also been invited to a Judgement Day event and I need to see how that goes before I decide for sure....

   Picking out an appropiate outfit for a Rapture is so frustrating....and I don't even want to get into picking the right accesories...

   I wish I could find a drug dealer that could get me about 200 mg of Phuckitol.......

   On-Star has made it so much more difficult for me to take my time when I'm robbing accident victims....:-)

   I'm convinced that whoever invented crack cocaine is also responsible for Samoa girl scout cookies. The similarities are too obvious to ignore...

   In case anyone is wondering, it's 72 degrees and partly cloudy in India today. The only reason I know this is because I just had a pleasant conversation with a Customer Service rep from Bank of America....

   "Luke, I'm like totally your father. Party on." ~~Garth Vader

   It turns out Donna Summers lied, She Wont Survive....

   Even if you don't believe in the Mayan calender, somewhere in the back of your mind you're thinking "I wonder if that sh!ts for real".....

   The one thing that I'll never understand is women, tofu, yoga, and counting...

   I really want a sandwich, but I just don't have the time or energy to find a girlfriend right now.....

   My girlfriend bought me a can of Axe bodyspray for my birthday......However, I live in a predominantly black neighborhood so around here we call is Ask.......

   I'm sitting here watching "The First 48", and thinking, you just killed someone....is it THAT hard to plead 'not guilty" and just take your chances..

   I don't always eat breakfast naked, but when I do, I get escorted out of IHOP really quickly......

   God traffic sucks today. So glad that 47 per cent of the people in this country don't even try otherwise traffic would be even worse!

   I have never "Officially" done Yoga, but I did have to get up in the middle of last night and pee.........while erect.......so I'm pretty sure I'm qualified to teach a class now.............(If you are a woman, don't even bother trying to understand this)

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I've never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...

   10-11-12..........Happy I can count past 9 day.....:-)

   its Sunday morning and I'm in a liquor store wearing nothing but a bathing suit and flipflops..so yes Mrs. cashier..im pretty sure I dont need a reciept

   so I just watched " Limitless" for the 1st time with my girlfriend. She said " Wouldnt it be great if there was a drug that you could accomplish anything and just b a little sick afterwards?"..i was like, there is, its called OPIATES...