Psycho Funny Status Messages

   HER: Will you miss me? ME: Only if you run in a zig-zag pattern

   If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.

   Nothing like a little chloroform and some duct tape to hold a relationship together.

   I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.

   No, I don't want to hold your baby. It looks sticky.

   Of course you can use bacon grease as furniture polish. *licks coffee table*