Mickey Funny Status Messages

   So facebook is now making Poke suggestions. And it could be anything on your friends list. God knows I've always wanted to f**k the s**t out of McDonald's.

   I insisted that my girl accompany me on a fishing trip. That opened up a new can of worms.

   My wife was admitted to the hospital last night. She's in the Expensive Care Unit.

   I say that anyone who messes with America, is gonna get a good dose of Red, White, Black and Blue!

   Dog is man's best friend. Cat is an acquaintance.

   Some of you are so antiquated in your thinking...that whenever I click on your timeline, I find myself in 2012. BC

   I'm bored. Let's see, I'll take a pic of me with my dog, then tag it with 97 facebook friends, then watch 'em go cuckoo.

   G0D must be a vegetarian. He never talks about eating meat...it's always "daily bread" this and "breaking bread" that and "take this bread and eat it to remember me by" etc. What a carb lover he turned out to be.

   I'm such a maverick. I refuse to make Sun tea. I'm making Moon tea, and let me tell you...that $hit's been on the back porch for 8 years and it STILL ain't done.

   SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock.

   As if my self esteem couldn't get any lower, when I got in the shower this morning, it laughed at me.

   I had a dream about a planet run by orphans who sing a song filled with unintelligible lyrics and had authority figures with voices that blared like brass. Then I woke up and A Charlie Brown Christmas was on.

   I'm sorry. You need a favor? You know I'd consider it if I weren't so inconsiderate.

   Meteorology: The Exact Science Of Guesswork

   Okay so I meet this woman. Deb Bowen. The first thing she says is that she's not high maintenance. I ask, "How so?" She goes, "I prefer Cool Whip over Whipped Cream."

   Being single at this time is not based on my wanting freedom to do what I want....It's more due to the fact that I want the freedom to not have to do what someone else wants.

   MY Fantasy Football thing is about the Cheerleaders.

   I have no idea what anyone means when they describe the weather as 'crisp'. If you're going to use the word 'crisp', you really should be talking about bacon.

   I always do things for the wrong reason. Like, watch the World Series for the organ music interludes.

   "I was country, when country wasn't cool"....newflash...it still isn't.