MIke M Funny Status Messages

   I don't see it so much as a cushion. For me it's more of a fart-absorbing device.

   I have a low tolerance for pain... but the up side I can endure A LOT of pleasure.

   When someone complains about facebook making changes, what they really mean is, "I just barely learned how to turn on my computer this year."

   I got some mail yesterday that says, "Tiime-Sensitive Material Enclosed." So I guess I gotta keep it away from clocks...

   Well'p just saw my fb friend count go down a notch... I wonder if it's something I might have said....

   Wow!  That's wasn't a fart... I think I just backfired! 

   I feel sorry for the adjective "flaccid" for it will forever be associated with that one thing...

   I don't always drink milk, but when I do.... I prefer Dos Boobies. Stay thirsty my friends...

   Honestly officer, it's not my fault... Jesus took the wheel...

   May you have the luck of the Irish and starve today because you can't find potatoes!

   Cinco de Mayo is actually about a ship full of mayonnaise that sank off the coast of Mexico.

   So if Jesus doesn't see his shadow when he comes out of his cave this Sunday, does that mean we get 2,000 more years of hell on earth?

   Farts are a poop's way of texting, "On my way."

   The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard one. But the end is in sight... I can see it coming.

   People who say "May the 4th be with you" are the same people who say "see you next year" at the employee Christmas party.

   When someone hands me a Bible, I flip it open and autograph it. Then I hand it back (as they look very confused), I smile and say.. "It's always nice to meet a fan!"