K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   I'm going to start rubbing Q-Tips on my head.....They have done wonders for growing hair in my ears.

   Does anyone else have that brief thought of "Serial Killer" or "Monster" when they are getting in their car and drop the car keys?

   Ever think "Serial Killers Coming" when you're getting into your car and you drop your car keys?

   I wonder what happened and at what point a youngster decides, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a proctologist".

   She's not the sharpest marble in the crayon shed.

   Freudian slip; Where you say one thing, but mean your mother.

   I don't want to make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the hat I wore in high-school.

   I just clicked to go to games and got this message from Facebook; The server found your request confusing and isn't sure how to proceed.

   The future was so much cooler in the past.

   I tried letting a smile be my umbrella, but you can't whack people with a smile!

   My cats think I'm the best cook.

   I'm going to admit myself into the Hokey-Pokey Institute and turn my life around.

   Late fees make no sense. Charge me more money for not having enough money to pay you in the first place. Same with overdraft fees. I'm $2.00 short in my account (which means there is no money in there)......so take out $35.00 more.

   The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.

   Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here in Government first.

   Steven Tyler singing the national anthem proves he needs a band behind him....he cannot sing.

   Kristen Chenoweth, an actress........way better than Steven Tyler, a "singer".

   My elderly neighbor wanted to know what my email number was.

   My neighbor asked me to look something up on my "internet machine".