Jeremycakes Funny Status Messages

   It's been almost a year, and just for the record, you're STILL lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.

   Chevy Chase has been getting that Christmas tree for over 20 years. You'ld think he would finally remember a saw.

   Hey Lady gaga! Madonna called, she wants her style back.

   The only appropriate time to yell out "I HAVE DIARRHEA!", is when you're playing scrabble. Because it's worth a whole load of points.

   A little advie: Never EVER buy sushi from the home shopping network.

   Charlie Sheen appears to be the real life Glen Quagmire. Giggity!

   I tried to join the X Men, but they turned me down. Apparently they don't consider being able to burp out the theme song from Family guy to be a real superpower

   jI just finished installing a flux compacitor in my DeLorean and I'm heading back in time to prevent the band Hanson from releasing the song "Mmmm Bop"! I need to stop that atrocity from ever happening!

   WARNING: If you get a message from somebody and it has the subject title "Link to Ashley Simpson videos", DON'T OPEN IT! It's not a virus or anything, but her music is terrible.

   People are often worried about the mafia, but I think it's Justin Beiber we should be worried about. Get on Beibers bad side and he can send tens of thousends of angry young girls over to your house to totally kick your butt! Beib's the new John Gotti.

   We've gotten too much snow lately. Everywhere outside it looks whiter than the audience at a Toby Keith concert!

   I found a skull near my home today. I went to call the police, but curiosity got the better of me and I picked the skull up and wondered "Who was this person?","Where did he come from?" "How did he die?",and "Why did he have moose antlers?"

   Sex is the price women pay for marriage,and marriage is the price men pay for sex

   I was in my doctors office the other day. he said "One last thing, you really have to stop eating so many eggs." I said "Is my cholestoral too high?" Then the doctor said " No, but you farted in the waiting room and darn near killed everyubody.'

   (Q) Reproduceing bees are called queens. What are the none reproduceing bees called? (a) Lesbees

   Charlie Sheen has been giving people advice on sobriety. Hmm, that's kind of like Tiger woods or Jessie James giving advice on how to be a good husband.

   I walked into the bank and put a bag of weed on the desk. The clerk says, "What r you doing?" I said,"I want to open a joint account"

   Now I'm not going to say Snoop Dog smokes alot of pot, but last night at a concert he farted and the entire first 3 rows got the munchies.

   I was asked today, " Jeremy, should I dye my beard and get rid of the grey hairs? Or do I look better with the greys?" So I looked this person right in the eyes and said "Aunt Shirley, you really should just shave it! You look like Chewbacca's sister!"

   People eat at Mcdonalds because they either.(A) love it but don't know how bad it is for you (B) Love it but they don't care that it's bad for you (C).Don't really like it but eat it because they desperatly need to clean out thier colon.