Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   thankful that Anthony Weiner's last name wasnt 'Butthole'.

   it just me or did anyone else notice that Bob Marley never looked like a "Bob."

   The best thing about using exclamation marks is that no one knows how sad you are!!!

   What I love best about sex with a married woman is wiping myself off with her husband's clean underwear!

   My hangover feels like someone is screaming at me in German.

   I wish someone would cast Mel Gibson and Tracy Morgan in a buddy action flick about a crime fighting rabbi and a drag queen.

   I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep

   Woke up today singing, "It's the 4th of July," to the tune of "It's the First of the Month," by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.

   I am starving, but not "get up out of the floor of the shower and make some food" starving.

   Whenever you feel powerless, remind yourself that a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water-park.

   BREAKING: Florida Highway Patrol is reporting a mass exodus of toddlers hitchhiking to get the hell out of Florida.

   I just read that the Actor who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter said he is going to become a rapper! .... can we all say Expecto Disapointmento!

   Im so sick of my smartphone. If technology was up to me, we'd just now be getting around to the whistle thingy when a tea kettle gets hot.

   I am going to only talk like a gangster from the 1940s starting right now. See?

   This is the kind of heat that causes Rob Thomas and Santana to collaborate.

   #AmyWinehouse Cremated...emergency response team called during cremation the crowd outside heard a huge explosion and started to smell Crack

   "This pu55y won't eat itself!" "Actually, those leggings are proving otherwise."

   My couple friends just keep me around so that when they fight they can refer to me to remind them how awful & lonely it is to be single.

   ok brain. You woke me up at 4:13am. Must be important. Whats that? You want me to think about the Tylenol scare of '82? Done!

   i wonder when Sarah Palin is going to weigh in on this Stocky Markety Swoopsy Dowsy stuff.