doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.

   wanna have some fun? get in the van!

   There may be a bunch of Princesses that follow me... But only one I'd fight dragons for.

   I hate it when people make words come out of their mouths

   I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.

   This year, I'm takin' candy from kids who have the most, to give to the kids too lazy to trick-or-treat themselves. Happy Obamaween. Merica.

   Settle down Cross Fit. Settle down. I just wanna lift weights not snatch smart cars.

   For every time a woman replies "fine" to you, you lose a day off your life.

   I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.

   BREAKING: Kazakhstan threatens retaliation over release of BORAT.

   The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out

   Dr. King's dream of murdering Asian and Latino cops is really coming to fruition.

   What if...lollipops moaned every time we licked them

   If you dont understand big words, I can euthanize with you.

   Does anyone know how to change the difficulty setting on getting the sex?

   You should be with your best friend. If you can't send them hilarious pictures of your poop, it's just not going to work out.

   Im acraid that I nade a maitake turning off autocorrd t

   I'm "All the kids were free-range kids" years old.

   The Grapes of Wrath is my favorite book title talking about a Woman drinking wine and angrily planning on burning your house to the ground.

   If by handyman you mean someone with a nice collection of wrenches that came with unassembled furniture then yes, I'm a handyman...