joser Funny Status Messages

   Hangovers are for people foolish enough to stop drinking.

   efore deciding whether you will stay up all night, you should sleep on it.

   I do not have attention deficit disorder. I have what you're saying is boring the sh*t out of me disorder.

   The smaller the dog, the crazier the chick.

   My life coach just benched me.

   This Halloween I'll be a banker. I'll eat all my candy, all yours, then convince the government that if I don't get more candy we all starve.

   Well, the Mayans were close-- Oprah goes off the air in 2011.

   You know who sucks Aggressive drivers. And cowardly drivers. And slow drivers. And drivers who are not me.

   Meeting an old friend for drinks after work. Hope he doesn't bring up that Farmville invite I ignored.

   Sex is a lot like air..You don't realize how bad you need it until you don't have it.

   My Hamster has a developed an issue. He slides money out of my wallet and eats it. Seriously! $40 this week, so far. Renaming him "Government".

   The wedding card selection at this store blows. Lots of "Congrats" and "Best wishes" but no "I still question your sexuality" anywhere.

   I wonder if my boss was more fun and carefree in his youth, when his name was Anakin.

   Sometimes, when I feel optimistic about the future of mankind, I go read the comments on YouTube and it brings me right back to reality.

   If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands.

   Hey, someone finally won! Celebrate irresponsibly.

   Let's just call the iPhone what it really is: The Toilet Book Pro

   F to the you to the C to the K pretty much sums up my day

   My therapist said I let other people control my emotions to much. I don't think that's true at all, what do you think?

   hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye