Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   Walking away from a senseless arguments, makes sense to me!

   What doesn't kill you get arrested and most likely post bail.

   I can’t control you're being an idiot, but I can control whether or not you’re on my friends list.

   Told my dealer I wanted a sh*tload of Coke but auto-correct changed it to shipload now I owe a Colombian cartel 18 million dollars.

   I think i'm in pizza with you.

   I’m so glad I found you in all this wreckage of a planet.

   Forget North Korea and America, the next nuclear war will be between your lips and mine...tonite.

   Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about the damn Kardashians.

   I'm such a giving person; if cannibals were cooking me, I'd give them tips on how to make me more tender.

   She: Your cute. Me: My cute what?

   If you love someone set them free. If they comeback, probably it was a Fast & The Furious Movie.

   The best way to ruin my day is by asking me, "How's life treating you?" or "What's new?".

   Menstruation Day 1. Don't touch me Day 2. Hug me Day 3. Don't talk to me Day 4. Why don't you speak to me? Day 5. You never understand me

   Guys, never give up. If a girl doesn't reply to your text, call her. If she doesn't answer, knock on her door. They love a persistent man.

   There would be peace throughout the world if they gave away free chocolate with every tampon purchase.

   Fellas; Sometimes women say they're fine because they know that's all you really want to hear.

   A relationship that’s needs to be validated and reinforced by being constantly paraded on Facebook for the whole world to see is a desperate relationship that will not last.

   My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".

   When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

   RECYCLING RULE 101: if no one saw what clothes you were wearing today, its totally fine to wear them again tomorrow.