Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   When people say they can't do something because their hands are full I always hope their hands are full of twinkies.

   Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

   Online jokes have really suffered in this ecomedy. (exhibit A)

   Can't shake this headache. Perhaps the shaking isn't helping

   Whenever I see fire truck rushing somewhere in the rain, I'm confused as to how the sky didn't already do the job.

   I shaved my chest hair into a Superman "S". Ironically, I feel completely powerless and will probably endure a humiliating beatdown

   Amazing to think that I was once a helpless little baby but now I'm a giant helpless man

   You'll never meet anyone who's quietly in training for a charity run

   I can tell when someone is lying just by the simple fact that they begin asking a question by saying "Quick question".

   Remember when we were kids and we were in such a rush to grow up and become adults? Boy, was that stupid.

   My advice to Charlie Brown or any kid who wants more friends; don't tell people your dog is a WWI flying ace

   When people tell you things "as your friend", that means they hate you and want to destroy you.

   Sadly, I don't think everyone ever wang-chunged on any night.

   Michigan State has a new course on surviving a zombie apocalypse. I think it's a trap because the prerequisites are English 101 & Brrrains!!!

   People who say "think outside the box" should be forbidden from ever judging other people's creativity.

   Tip: you can save a step in the morning by putting mouthwash on your cereal instead of milk.

   If you see someone over the age of 9 wearing sweatpants, pull them aside & say "Friend, you're wearing sweatpants." They might not know.

   Corned beef and cabbage. Proof that drunk people really will eat anything.

   Found a 2 inch eyebrow sticking out of my head. I have terrible friends that are too self-absorbed to notice what's really important.

   The "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme caused me to start a lot of fights hoping I'd be shipped off to rich relatives.