doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I think I got away with all the alcohol I've drank...but then I drool mid thought and realize...nope.

   its Columbus Day! Find some people who look comfortable and make them move!

   I can turn any song into the explict version if I dont really know the words.

   I never did learn how to set the time on a VCR. These kids have no idea how good they have it.

   Slipping a tasteful nude photo into my work file... couldn't hurt at this point.

   Even if I hit the gym hard, the best I could hope for is to be 1950's Tarzan shape.

   I am the type of person who would find having super powers a real hassle

   I'd love to see the headlines if the day ever came that Arnold Schwarzenegger was diagnosed with a tumor.

   Lady GaGa had no idea what she was doing when she asked R. Kelly to "do what you want with my body"... Psssssssss

   Oh Nothing. Just over here choking on dinner, fighting death like it's my job.

   Excuse me... Tell me more about this mythical corner, around which fudge is made.

   Why aren't we letting blind people think that dragons are real?

   Promiscuous wizards often get staff infections. bippity, boppity, BOOOOO! HAPPY HALLOWEEN

   Like Icarus flying too close to the sun, I begin to regret eating that third breakfast plate at Shoney's.

   So your saying there is no crying in Flirting? That sure explains a lot!

   Reece's Peanut Butter C Cups. Someone get to work on this. Now.

   Miley Cyrus eats Twerky for Thanksgiving..... (I am so sorry)

   If you can sing Jingle Bells without jiggling your "gentleman's sausage" then you're way more mature than me.

   My new years resolution is to finishing off in women's hair instead of Kleenex...

   Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.