Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   February was $5 footlong month and black history month. Who is the evil genius behind that?

   Teachers are a bad influence on our kids. For one thing, some of them are nearly 40 and still in the third grade.

   To pay for gas, I'm selling tickets that allow people to get lost in my eyes for 15 minutes.

   No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.

   Hey Kermit, there aren't that many songs about rainbows.

   It would be fun to replace every EXIT sign in the world with ones that said ESCAPE. Also, they should flicker ominously

   Weird to think we're just fifteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother

   My Mama is gonna be so mad when she realizes how much drama I have saved for her.

   Remember when you thought you'd have it all together by the time you were the age you are now?

   Look, grocery store, if you're going to play Asia's "Heat of the Moment," there *will* be spontaneous produce aisle dancing.

   You know how sometimes you accidentally drop food on the floor and eat it anyways? I just did that with soup

   A baggage carousel is the least fun carousel ever.

   "Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is.

   Too many kids don't know what it's like to enjoy a book the old-fashioned way (watching the movie version on VHS the night before a test).

   No one ever wants to hear monster mash this time of year

   Never fails. Always behind the person filling out a mortgage at the ATM machine

   A fun way to freak out new parents on Facebook is to change your name to their baby's name & tag yourself in all of their baby's pictures.

   why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you

   I never make fun of kids for having imaginary friends because my imaginary dad would say "Knock if off".

   Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out