flinnie Funny Status Messages

   There's a special place in hell for murderers and the guy who decided what time breakfast ends at McDonalds.

   You would have thought that the Mexican Mafia would have done something about Taco Bell by now.

   “Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it.” (God greenlighting the duck-billed platypus)

   If you bite the inside of your mouth by accident, you should be allowed to fire a shotgun at an old bus till you feel better.

   Does anyone have a llama guy? I need a llama. I'll explain later

   If I ever go on "Wheel of Fortune," I'm going to buy all the vowels, then give them to poor kids in Africa

   Can't wait to see "The Lorax"! Finally, a movie answers the age old question: What if Wilford Brimley was orange?

   Hamburger Helper can only help the hamburger that wants help.

   Doing my best to, as the kids say: "keep it real." Or some such thing

   The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate.

   Its original title was "Everybody Loves Raymond, except Neil Daughtery, the convenience store clerk He Stabbed in 1982."

   I wish I had a twin so I could have every other day off of work.

   My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

   As soon as women see me, they want to get in shape to impress me. So they start running.

   People throw around the word "hero" too much. Use it for what it's for: a millionaire actor playing a disabled person.

   I predict you'll be seeing a lot more people using pogo sticks, thanks to these gas prices

   I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   I'm not actually dangerously unbalanced. At most, I'm gracefully insane. I wouldn't have it any other way

   The lengths I'm willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio.

   Proving other people wrong with your success is pretty selfish. Proving everyone else right by failing miserably shows you've got class