doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   My computer is frozen up... and it looks like moving my mouse around in circles will not fix the problem.

   Does Krystal accept Valentines day reservations for one?

   So they found Richard III under a parking lot. We wil probably find Hoffa under a church.

   Yes I feel great this morning. Thank you wine netti pot.

   The only reason I've made it this far in life is because I have the Hyrule Field theme song from Zelda playing on repeat inside my head.

   Women sleeping in Bras... Nice try Hollywood.

   So the pope is aborting his papacy before it reaches full term?

   Never tell a zombie that he looks like death warmed over

   If police work is just watching stuff burn, then I mastered police work when I was 10 years old.

   How am I supposed to completely ignore Olympic wrestling like it doesn't exist, if it actually doesn't exist?!

   That Russian meteor footage is anice reminder that we are flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof

   get to drilling Bruce Willis.

   My dog tore up the sofa so I chewed up his dog bed. Eye for an eye, Dawg!

   Don't worry altar boys, I'm sure this new pope will be as admirable & honest as the last couple guys.

   My pet peeve is when people say redundant words after acronyms, like “PIN number” or “ATM mouth.”

   Carnival to Rename Cruise Ships 'floating nightmare 1, floating nightmare 2, floating nightmare 3, floating nightmare 4, floating nightmare 5 etc. etc. etc.'

   I can't afford a Carnival Cruise this year so I'm just going to hang out at a Porta-Potty near the beach.

   I just f@rted so hard, my bluetooth rattled and my phone gave me directions to 3 area hospitals

   After deep thought and years of studying the language... Am I correct in thinking that zoom a zoom zoomin in a boom boom is indeed, penetrating a butthole?

   I think of my whole day as "puttering around before bed".