tsparks Funny Status Messages

   can't wait for Breaking Dawn Part 2, as Bella and Edward get hunted down by Blade! Perhaps that's just wishful thinking

   I will be running in a 0.25 mile run in support of people with attention deficit disorder (aka Kardashin Dash)

   Dropped my wallet today & a homeless guy chased me down to give it back. I was so moved I took out all of my money & gave him a free wallet.

   I don't think I could ever stab someone, I mean lets be honest I can barely get the straw in a Capri Sun

   Women drivers are like stars in the sky. You can see them, but they can't see you.

   Why post a picture on Facebook with the caption 'OMG I'm sooooooo ugly or fat' and then get annoyed when I agree?

   Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well

   hi say 2 wanted just I that out find you when irritating very it find may you... CONFUSED?? Now read it backwards..

   Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish all a Happy Saturday!

   *Low battery* *Low battery* *Low battery* Well apparently you have enough battery to Remind Me every 2 seconds

   throwing fertilizer at people who need to grow up

   I fell down the stairs today, and may never walk again. I wasn't injured, I'm just really lazy.

   This post is so good you will read it twice, this post is so good you just read it twice.

   I went to Wal-Mart to buy shampoo. Spent $150 and forgot the shampoo

   Dear ugly people: Stop playing hard to get, you're already hard to want

   always know where the remote is all it takes is one sad animal commercial to kill the mood

   it's the people who make a party awesome, not the drinks,bro