nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

   Great....you discovered youtube. Now, can you quit flooding the newsfeed with the 200 videos you wish to share!!!

   It's a total mood killer when you go in the bathroom after your girlfriend and realize she forgot to flush!

   Ever wonder how that one single black hair got all the way up there on your shower wall?

   There are going to be so many Snookis this year for Halloween. I think I will dress up as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face.

   For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O Donnell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O Donnell.

   Women should have three breasts - two in front and one in the back for dancing.

   This is what I spent all those years learning my ABDs for?

   Great taco from Taco bell today......with the spoon of meat and all the lettuce I was not sure if it was for eating or smoking!

   Ok who was the moron that came up with idea of the kiddie shopping carts shaped like animals,trains, race, cars or whatever! Parents do you really need to push your kids around the store in in a shopping cart bigger then the car you came to the store in!

   Ladies, my lost and found box is getting full. So, if you're missing an earring, silk scarves, lingerie or a prosthetic leg....let me know.

   Dad...I forgot to brush my teeth before school. That's okay...here's a piece of gum:)

   Yeah....Hi, I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working

   I prefer the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth.

   So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?

   You know....spooning leads to forking right?

   As much as your kids are at my house, you should pay me child support.

   The bell ringers are out in full force already. I really don't mind and know it's for a good cause. I just hate the fact that it feels like I'm paying a "cover charge" to go into Walmart.

   Furnace quit working and I woke up to a house that was 59 degrees. For a minute there, I thought I was married again:)

   How come some people always think they have to have the last text?