equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   I am always confused when I see a status message that isn't about me.

   WALMART, because going to TARGET requires taking a shower.

   I don't want your girlfriend. No one wants your girlfriend... Thats why she's with you!

   I organized a threesome last night. There was a couple of no shows but I still had a great time!

   I found the pot at the end of the rainbow, and I smoked it!

   Did you hear?? The Pope is giving up Jesus for Lent!!

   I don't like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I'm leaving!

   show me the benefits part and THEN i'll let you know if we can be friends

   I had a dream that I killed all of the shirtless guys with their own swag...and their duckface girlfriends....I call it the YOLOcaust.

   Someone walked up to me today and handed me a bible. So I flipped it open and autographed it. As I handed it back to the lady (who looked very confused), I smiled and said.. "It's always nice to meet a fan!"

   There are no stupid questions, But I have met a ton of inquisitive idiots.

   "Oh No!" "I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there are doctors everywhere!"

   a ventriloquist. I can put my hand up your skirt and make your lips move!

   Drinking at a bar last night so I took a bus home. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but i've never driven a bus before!

   In a survival situation you can drink your own urine. Fortunately my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the bottle and I didn't need to.

   Whenever I say the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with pie!

   Florida....Where America goes to die.

   so powerful that a single one of my pubic hairs could shut down an entire restaraunt for a week!

   needs beer and a violent redhead with handcuffs

   Do Amish murderers get the acoustic chair?