abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages
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Today is International Kissing Day!.....Who wants one?...Wait, let me put my teeth in First!!!
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Got a Straw! ...Because you ''Suck!''
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My Neighbor mows his lawn every Sunday morning at 7:00am sharp! So tonight I'm listing his mower for sale on Craigslist at 11:00pm for only $5.00. That should keep his phone ringing most of the night!..........(sleeping in tomorrow!)
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There needs to be a phone-line to Heaven.....for the one's we miss!!!
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My parents accused me of being a liar today! All I said was ''Santa Claus'' ''Easter Bunny'' '' Tooth Fairy'' and walked away. Shut them Up!!!
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I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it's health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
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I took my Cat and her six kittens to the Vet to get them spayed and neutered! The Vet asked ''Is the momma cat friendly?'' I said ''Well....Duh, How do you think we got in this mess in the first place!!!''
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Bruce Willis is working on the 5th Die Hard movie! They should call this one ''Just kill me already!!!''
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There isn't enough make-up in the world to cover-up crazy!!!
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Hey I found your nose! It was in everyone elses business again!!!
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I am an Illegal! I came to take your job. But you don't have one to take!!!
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Steven Tyler is quitting American Idol after two seasons! I sure am going to miss that old lady!!!
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Mic Jagger'snew book says he slept with 4,000 women!..........Well 3,999 if you subtract David Bowie!!!
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I'll et the same underage 14yr old Chinese worker who made the United States Olympic uniforms is the same 14yr old that beats us to win the Gold Medal in Gymnastics!!!
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day! Teach a man to fish and he will go out and purchase expensive fishing gear, stupid looking clothes,a sports utility vehicle,travel 1000 miles to a lake,to stand waist high to catch 2 fish!
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I ignored your Facebook Friend Request only because there isn't a ''Oh Hell No!'' Button!!!
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I was thinking of you today! I also threw up in my mouth a little, but it just might be a coincidence!!!
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Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the Hampster was dead?!!!
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Why don't you slip into something nice like a ______________
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If a guys says ''I can't feel anything wearing trhis condom!'' Ask him if he can feel you sucking the money out of his paycheck for trhe next 18 years!!!''
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