StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   That chick has been passed around more than blame.

   "I wasn't that drunk" Dude you threw a sock at a midget and screamed "Dobby be free!"

   I used to work in a factory crushing cans. I hated it! It was soda pressing.

   I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.

   If you cant live without me, then why aren't you dead yet?

   Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.

   I bet the first gay Transformer will morph into a Prius.

   Come on, who are you going to believe? Me or the background check?

   Do people who wear Tapout know that that's the name for what the loser does?

   The leading cause of depression is reality.

   It's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't, but it's harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do.

   Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship.

   Sex is like pizza. When's it's good it's good. When it's bad it's still pretty good.

   If cinderella's shoe really did fit perfectly, then why exactly did it fall off in the first place?

   Cigarettes are like hamsters. They're completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

   Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead.

   A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

   Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.

   If a thief ever broke into my home, I'd just pretend to be a thief too... We'll laugh & hug and then he'll leave because I was there first.

   I propose that we abolish marriage and engage in 3 year contracts instead, with the option for renewal.