Paul Funny Status Messages

   What idiot driver on the freeway next to me this morning was trying to floss while driving, he was swerving all over the place. The jerk nearly made me drop my newspaper and my phone!!!

   Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann

   Just once I would love to get a junk email that read..."P*nis englargment?? No way dude! You are set! Forget I even sent this message." Is that too much to ask???

   I don't mind that my wife yells at me sometimes and tells me "You need to stop joking around so much and be more serious", I just wish she wouldn't do it when I am naked.

   I pooped the other day and called it Peter. That is the closest I have come to playing Call of Duty.

   It is depressing to pull the tag off of your boxer shorts and a parachute opens.

   Why do we buy bacon and fry it yet we buy frozen french fries and bake them??