Migasjoe Funny Status Messages

   I have washboard abs. They just happen to have a little laundry on them...

   I don't have pet peeves-I have major psychotic f##cking hatreds!!!

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, thew shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed

   I'm going to get in shape, pear is a shape...right???

   I married my wife for her looks, just not the ones she has been giving me lately

   I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my Doctor calls them, symptoms...

   told my son he should drink plenty of electrolytes in this heat, he responded by asking me if I drink beer for the electrolytes

   DIET= Do I Eat That...

   I got some new underwear the other day. Well.... new to me

   anyone else addicted to Pawn Stars because they misrerad the title the first time they turned it on???

   if alcohol is a crutch, then Jack Daniels is the wheelchair

   thinking about lighting up the fire pit to cool down outside

   there is a good chance my eyes will be red tomorrow

   need to check my wifes license...apparently she changed her name to Princess without telling me

   my buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"

   weird. I was playing mini golf and this angry dude from New Zealand offered to carry my putter and kept swatting my wifes camera out of her hand

   if you have to ask how much that drink is, you probably shouldn't be drinking it

   i'm not a vegetarian but I eat animals that are

   would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on 1 week of sobriety!!!

   there are two types of people in the world; Those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money