Mickey Funny Status Messages

   NASCAR, NBA All Star Game AND The Oscars...Thank G0D there's the Cartoon Network.

   An error occurred while not trying to add your sorry a$$ to my database. Please try again later.

   Of course I wanna go to my high school reunion! There's nothing I'd rather do than waste hundreds of dollars and precious vacation days, just to hang with a bunch of people I couldn't stand. And still can't.

   Oh, to have you next to me in the morning. Your soothing warmth, your intensity, your comfort. I need to get a Mr. Coffee for my nightstand.

   I slept late because DST time is back. That's 'cause it's really 10:35. No, I guess it's really 11:35, but it's 10:35, but it really is...well it's 11:36 now because I've gone on and on about what the time really is.

   Never, ever be ashamed of what you are. I'M not ashamed of what you are.

   Who cares what Dr. Oz says? He used to be a Wizard, now he's only a Doctor. Screw that loser. He's clearly on the way down.

   The most significant change brought about in the 2ist century is the decline of photographers and photography studios. They've both been replaced.... By camera phones and bathrooms.

   there such a thing as a Corned Beef and Cabbage Calzone?

   Hands don't make the music, the soul does.

   All the immortals survived St. Paddy's Day I see? Let us mere mortals now join our brethren and worship at our place of choice to further along that regressive human trait known as hypocrisy.

   I so want to be in a relationship. I want to account for everything I do. Answer to someone when I come home late. And get dragged over the coals for not calling a hundred times a day.

   Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.

   Ever notice that kids with Down Syndrome always seem to be so up? We could all take a lesson from them.

   There's always that one person who doesn't get it. Don't be that person, no...don't be that person.

   The Google home page today features a giant zipper. I'm NOT gonna open it. Who knows what'll pop out.

   I don't care what anyone says. MySpace is NOT dead. I just friended two hotties. Wilma and Betty. In ya face, suckas!

   Look...the very LEAST we could do is have sex.

   My girfriend's a h00ker with an IQ of 178. What a f**king know-it-all.

   "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" The doctor: "Is this her first child?" Me: "No, this is her husband."