Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   accidentally swallowed some food colouring yesterday. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

   thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.

   Have you ever watched birds and wondered: "If I could fly who would I crap on first?"

   was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   not a stalker. Look! Here's a picture of you in the shower... am I in it? Nooooo!

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

   Did you know that when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm out and smack 'em in the head?

   Unfortunetley for me, mirrors dont talk. Lucky for you, they dont laugh either.

   doesn't have a girlfriend, but he does know a woman who'd be mad at him for saying that.

   My career plans were much more exciting when I was five.

   I always wanted to be somebody. Now I realize that I should have been more specific.

   would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.

   I wonder what the person who discovered milk was doing with the cow...

   Sex is like air... it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

   I want a Toyota even more than before. Now if you get pulled over you can blame the accelerator!

   a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

   If a guy takes Viagra and his erection does last more than 4 hours, do you HONESTLY think he calls his doctor to complain or does he go through his phone and line up his booty calls???

   used Tag bodywash this morning and was looking forward to a goodtime before work. Unfortunately, no girls busted through walls or outran cheetahs to ravage me, dammit.

   thinks it should be illegal to do construction, mow, and/or weed whack before noon.