JMartin Funny Status Messages

   One of my favorite things about this time of year is seeing all the pictures of children screaming in sheer terror as their parents try to capture that special moment with Santa.

   Arguing with strangers on the internet is like the Special Olympics. You might win, but you're still retarded! :)

   The only resolution I've ever managed to stick with, was when I resolved not to make resolutions I can't stick with.

   My new years resolution for 2013? I will be less laz

   I can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't become a better person!

   Happy New Year everybody! I know its a bit early but I often suffer from premature congratulations.

   Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one. He's never gonna give you Up.

   When I stay at a man's house that I want to see again I always "accidentally" lose something there, like my phone, my sweater, or my dignity.

   If one more person calls me dramatic, I swear to Christ I'm going to burn the world down.

   As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the two words, 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells THEIRS?

   If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.