Griff Funny Status Messages

   If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.

   Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ''Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?''

   You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

   If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes

   A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I'm wrong.

   According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.

   Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.

   When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.

   When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.