Destiny Funny Status Messages

   I'm not cranky.. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people..

   One word that says It all "SHUDDAFUGUP"

   If cars ran on BS, we would all have a full tank..

   would swim across the Ocean for some of my Facebook friends! Lol, just kidding. There are sharks in there!

   By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my a$$!

   n't cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

   worried that my drinking might be affecting my memory. I'm also worried it might be affecting my memory.

   People point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

   nothing more say's you are a facebook stalker. Then updating your status with a girls name. When you meant to put it in the search box.

   with great power,come's a great electric bill.

   would rather have a cure for the common hangover than the common cold.

   man says to wife "what would you do if I won the lottery"wife replies "take half and leave your ass"husband replies "good,i won 12 dollars here is 6 now get the hell out

   I've got curtains that couldn't pass a drug test.

   I'd appreciate if you'd stop calling me, but I'll probably respond if you decide to text

   Hygiene Tips: 1.Don't 2.Smell 3.Like 4.Sh!t

   I just finished running 5 miles. Just fu@king with you. I'm eating a bacon and sour cream pizza.

   If a b!tch is two faced; Does that mean I have the right to smack the hell outta her twice?!

   dude your eyes are red are you stoned? no it's my allergies. what are you allergic to? Weed.