Bobo the Chimp Funny Status Messages

   May the 4th be with you. To celebrate I just put a C-3PO action figure in my bum.

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend until the acid wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Walmart parking lot.

   I could have sworn I heard a chorus of a thousand tiny voices rising up from the shower drain to wish me a Happy Fathers Day.

   Unless life also hands you water and sugar, that lemonade is gonna suck.

   NEWS FLASH....CORDUROY PILLOW MAKES HEADLINES!!!!

   Wine is a fruit, right?!

   Stop screaming, lady. All I said was 'this is how pornos start'. It's just elevator talk.

   The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?

   According to Facebook, Jackie Chan has died 486 times. I must admit that is a rather incredible stunt...

   To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.

   Life is just better when you're laughing.

   Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.

   I want my hour of sleep back.

   When life hands you pig hooves and horse gums, make hot dogs.

   Praying that Jennifer Lawrence's hacker did not find my secret selfies...

   Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would probably be ok, but I don't wanna be dragged from bed 'paranormal-activity' style..

   Whenever I lock my car, I always press the remote lock button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I MEAN BUSINESS.

   I ran out of Anti-Depressants, so I'm drinking my bottle of No More Tears Shampoo.

   Last night I wore a Mickey Mouse costume to Chuck E. Cheese and angrily accused him of having an affair with Minnie until I was forcibly removed & arrested.

   When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous and six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.