Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.

   According to my khaki shorts, I need to give a couple more shakes after peeing

   The instructions for this tent is just a picture of a husband yelling at his wife, that's weird.

   If naps had a taste, I bet they'd be so delicious.

   Don't be freaked out that I'm knocking at your door. Haven't seen you update your status for a few days, and just wanted to make sure you're okay.

   Don't get out of bed, it's a trap.

   My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.

   I love Facebook like Angelina Jolie loves to fill out adoption papers.

   "It's not what it looks like!" - said when something is exactly what it looks like

   People would never be late if the Mario "running out of time" music started playing a few minutes before.

   I hate when a stranger smiles at me and I have to smile back and pretend I'm not dead inside.

   What if the real Slim Shady is paraplegic?

   You know we're in a recession when they start making game shows where the winner gets a job.

   In India, when they say there’s an elephant in the room, there’s an elephant in the room.

   At least he died doing what he loved: texting while driving.

   My wife seems to be having a great day, I can't wait to ruin it by talking to her.

   My girlfriend said I treat her like she doesn't exist so I told her I didn’t even know I had a girlfriend.

   I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.

   Aside from being hit and struck by a Smooth Criminal, how are you emotionally, Annie?

   I turned my "Panic room" into a "Hispanic room" so that I have a place to wear my sombrero without being ridiculed.