StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Never trust a girl who has her own face set as the background of her phone.

   The older I get the more I realise there are no grown ups and nobody knows what the f*ck they're doing.

   At what age do you stop shopping at Costco because you won't use the entire pack before you die?

   Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that's raising your child...

   If she posts 7 new selfies a day, Regardless of how hot she is, Let it go bud. You'll never give the amount of attention required. Science.

   Men everywhere should appreciate Starbucks attempt to brainwash women into believing that grande means medium.

   On the bright side, selfie sticks are also lightning rods.

   I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.

   This lady behind me is reading what I'm writing while I'm waiting on line in the pharmacy. Can't wait till she .....aaaAAHHHHH! THAT'S RIGHT LADY!!!....Look away!

   I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

   Police ordered me to get out of my car 'You're staggering' said the officer .'you're not a bad looking f*cker yourself' I replied

   You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.

   When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.

   What are nudes? Someone show me.

   This girl I know said she has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207

   Most nights at 2am I think of where I will be in ten, fifteen, twenty years. Other nights at 2am I wonder if I'll even make it that far.