Joser Funny Status Messages

   Driving to work would be so much better if I didn't always end up at work.

   When I go to your place for the first time, unless you live in a castle, please dont ask me if I want a tour.

   Please note that The Netherlands, Never-Neverland, and The Netherworld are three different places.

   Try to keep your mind out of the gutter. Your body, too.

   Observation: Any story that ends with "Anyway, it was really funny" is not really funny.

   I'll bet the watch I left at home feels naked without me.

   If a large group of lions is a Pride, what is a large group of housecats? Shame.

   I only talk sh*t when I'm strategically located near bouncers.

   Actions speak louder than words. Especially if that action is yelling.

   There is a very good chance that you don't understand probability.

   finally figured out what mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.

   The gang war between the squirrels and the raccoons must be escalating, based on the number of drive-by victims on the side of the road.

   Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question. I'll ask it once again. Why are you hitting yourself?

   A friend of mine told me he doesn't drink beer. I wonder what he does with it?

   Bowl cuts will never go out of style. Unless they somehow become stylish first.

   Saw a fashion report saying that with low riding jeans in style, butt cracks are the new cleavage. What was wrong with the old cleavage???

   Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.

   That thing people do with their mouth when they're using their tongue to get food out of their teeth, I bet there's porn for that.

   I'm not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.

   Bond. Hydrogen Bond.