Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   Dear Men. When a woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, you'd better shut up, grab a chair and get ready to listen…for hours.

   I already hate next year.

   If a man aspires towards a righteous life, his first act of abstinence is from being a douchebag.

   Happiness; you have to chase it around, but misery that b itch waits for us around every corner.

   I have spent almost half of my life trying to come up with new ways to get out of things and situations.

   If you listen closely to your body while working out, you can hear the calories singing "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn".

   Male lions fight to impress the females. Bears do it, crocodiles do it and even men do it. Moral of the story: Females get you killed!!

   The best part about working from home is the alcohol.

   Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall.

   Either the world didn't end, or heaven looks a lot like my apartment.

   Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.

   No I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at what I think of you.

   I may be on Santa's naughty list but at least I had fun getting there.

   There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect

   If you try to use Apple's iOS 6 maps, you might discover a new unchartered continent.

   No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.

   Earthquakes only happen when Johnny Depp breaks eye contact with Tim Burton.

   As long as we don't let our feelings get in the way, this could be the start of something beautiful.

   I would walk over Legos for you.

   The next time someone says to me "This too shall pass" they'd better be talking about a joint.