Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

   In terms of emotional comfort it is my belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made c0cktail.

   Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" have a "Use By" date?

   Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I'm so glad I'm not a crazy person.

   "And they lived happily ever after" is just another way of saying "they are in denial."

   As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy.

   I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff.

   Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook.

   I like to think of myself as "Emotionally Exciting" as opposed to bipolar.

   Honesty is the best policy. But just try getting an Honesty Policy from your insurance broker.

   I'm a mess. Not in the "beautiful mess" way. In the "you dropped an omelette all over the floor then stepped in it" way.

   I believe every single word you say. It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I think it's bullsh!t.

   All I needed was the kit but they made me buy the whole kaboodle.

   On one issue, at least, men and women agree: They both distrust women.

   How do I always end up stalking people on Facebook that I don't even know...

   Your wife is more of a "certificate of completion" than a "trophy"

   I cannot be held responsible for anything you may have told me before I had my coffee.

   Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.

   The world would be a quiet place if we did that whole "think before you speak" thing.

   I would never tell someone how to do their job but I don't think each of the 78 items I purchased at the grocery store needed their own bag.