Eddy Funny Status Messages

   I read Marie Kondo's book about tidying up...now I'm getting a divorce

   Making love is like baking a cake...most men don't know how to work the stove

   what do you call it when a cow is sitting down? ... ground beef

   since camping spoons are white, are they still considered "silverware" or should they be called "whiteware" ?

   My friend is terrible at geography...his grade is below C level

   Lets send the coronavirus tiger to Carole Baskin

   I've been social distancing from the gym for years

   Coronavirus is like a Thanos you can't see

   When I see all these zoom video chat conferences, I think of the opening scene of "The Brady Bunch"

   if this 2nd stimulus goes through, I want this payment in pennies so I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck

   did you know that Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick?.... It crumbles easily & makes her breath smell. she explained "the super color fragil lipstick crumbles easily & gives me halitosis"

   Everyone is wearing masks & school starts back soon....the teachers are gonna sound like Charlie Brown's teacher....wah wah wah

   I was at a restaurant tonight & I saw the "caution wet floor" sign. I wonder how blind people know. those signs don't have braille

   with school starting back tomorrow, don't forget to thank the bus driver #Fortnite

   today I'll be celebrating MLK day...I'm going to sleep in late & have a dream

   Why don't food companies put beets in boxes instead of cans? ...then the employees can say they're "professional beet boxers"

   if "octo" means 8, why is October the 10th month?

   idk why people get paranoid about getting a chip put in them someday. ...lays & pringles have been putting chips in me for years

   foods contain ingredients such as iron, potassium, calcium, etc so I'm going to start calling my dinner table my "table of elements"

   what does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the restroom? ....the pee is silent