doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Cookie dough flavored vodka? Ugh. Stay out of the bar Mary Poppins.

   Erectile dysfunction starts with small talk.

   I know I really like someone when I can listen to them talk about pooping and not get grossed out. Apparently, I don't like this girl.

   Ranch dressing is too a pizza topping! Open your mind-hole and stop hating on deliciousness.

   I don't understand why so many of you are unhappy. They sell vodka where you are, don't they?

   "Yeah. I wanna watch you rub your clot while you duck me. I live that, baby." - I'm done with autocorrect.

   Just pounded 2, 5 hour energy shots... Rap battled a stutterer, Lost... Played M.J. Fox at jenga. Lost... Played patty cake with E. Honda, Win!

   Hey girls, Please stop stabbing each other in the back. You're giving real women a bad name.

   When does the Brazilian Pole Dancing Team come on?

   I bet one of these powerful Olympic women could sit on my face & suck out my fillings with one Kegel....Unnhmmm Hope Solo.

   A famous rapper got high and did something stupid? Well now I've seen everything.

   The only thing worse than trying to lose at badminton is trying at badminton.

   There is over a billion people in China and there is also only two haricuts

   So what your saying Chick-Fil-A, you will not be sponsoring Men's Olympic Racewalking.

   Unicorns eventually got into rough @n@l-play. And that's why they're extinct.

   I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. The police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.

   I have walrus-like reflexes! Basically I roll around my apartment and slap my belly when I want food

   Let's observe a moment of silence for all the black women who don't have a Q or an apostrophe in their first name.

   I could never find it in my heart to kill another person, but I've entertained the thought of dancing on a grave or two.

   a guy at work has the whispering skills of Samuel L. Jackson.