Kisstopher Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you're going to have a posse, make sure they're clean shaven. Nobody likes a hairy posse.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 07:53 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 09:01 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love is.......having sex with someone when you're sober.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 10:04 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only part I believed in the movie Titanic was when she wouldn't move her fat ass over and let Jack on the raft with her.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 10:07 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon A doctor's 5 minutes is longer than a woman's 5 minutes, so if a female doctor tells you she'll back in be 5 minutes…you're screwed.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 09:56 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon My poker face is when I'm standing in the express lane with 16 items.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 10:14 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon A bee just flew into my car so I had to abandon it on the highway and now I'm walking home.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 10:21 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Body builders have a weird way of thanking someone for buying them a birthday gift. I gave this guy a bra & now I'm at the emergency room.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 14:17 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog likes to stand and stare at the front door for no reason because he knows the idea of unexpected visitors freaks me out.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 12:46 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend doesn't have any superpowers, per se, but she is pretty good at making me forget my name using only her tongue.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 12:49 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 12:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon One man's potato is another man's vodka.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 14:59 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is where I choose my victims, twitter is where I meet my accomplices.
←Rate | 10-05-2012 14:40 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon If chickens knew how tasteless they are without herbs and spices, they'd kill themselves.
←Rate | 10-05-2012 14:51 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Leave the thing you're supposed to do today for tomorrow cause maybe you'll die and then you won't have to do that thing.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 07:04 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Karma is like 69: You get, what you give.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 10:25 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every day is a struggle to come to terms with the fact that they chose Tobey Maguire to play Spiderman.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 11:19 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I hate people who ask and answer their own stupid questions? Absolutely
←Rate | 10-06-2012 13:58 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you play your cards right, she'll want you to poker.
←Rate | 10-08-2012 13:37 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can be an educated, intelligent, productive person and still smoke and enjoy pot.
←Rate | 10-08-2012 23:36 by Kisstopher Comments (4)  




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