joser Funny Status Messages

   How come so many people Roll On The Floor *Laughing*? If I'm rolling on the floor, it's usually because I'm on fire. Send help.

   I use really strong sunblock. It's SPF 100. I squeeze the tube and a sweater comes out.

   On a walk, my stepdaughter saw a pay phone, asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Blackberry.

   today I : 1. asked old people for directions and deliberately walked the opposite way... 2. asked very obese people which gym they used...

   Facebook is doing maintenance on my account. I hope that means they're airbrushing my profile pics!

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   To save time, lets just assume I'm NEVER wrong!

   I don't mind going to work. It's that 8 hour wait to go home that sucks!

   LIFE; It's one damned thing after another

   HECK is where you go if you don't believe in GOSH

   If you kill two birds with one stone, ..you'd better be prepared for those damn PETA people to show up at your door.

   You Canadians spell humor as "humour." American humor is better. We can do it without u.

   Even if you preface it with "I think strippers smell nice", saying "You smell like a stripper" has a way of being misconstrued.

   Maytag just recalled 1.7 million dishwashers. This immigration issue is really getting out of hand.

   Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.

   My super power is finding out about really cool sh*t after it happens.

   Just tending to my rock garden, seeing if I can get a statue to grow.

   If idle hands are the Devil's Playground than Facebook is a full blown amusement park.

   Life would be easier if Kleenex just made shirt sleeves.