Funny Status Messages

   They say " you can attract more bees with honey, rather than vinegar." Why the crap do I want more bees around me?

   Silence is golden. If you do not agree with something that I post on my page, I would advise you to keep your opinion to yourself than try and confront me on my own turf otherwise I will embarrass you.

   “What doesn't kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario

   When a woman says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space & finish building my Death Star before we go.

   This stupid farmers market doesn't have any locally grown pizza.

   My favorite salad is a bunch of different kinds of Doritos mixed together

   I can move things with my mind. Like, my arms.

   The sinking of the Titanic was tragic. At least we're doing everything we can to make sure something similar never happens again today by melting all icebergs.

   If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's a delightful animated Disney classic about a woman learning her place....

   How come I never got invited to eat tacos outside Bills office?

   Now matter how old you are, No matter how much you think you're a Badass.. If a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

   Don't wear skinny jeans, if you have no skinny genes.

   Thanks to the State Farm Insurance Commercial now I want a Falcon

   I just can't seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.

   I've started attending a self-help group for sex addicts. I don't have an addiction. It's just an awesome way of meeting DTF girls!

   student loans are just like Justin Bieber, they will not go away,no matter how much you wish they would.

   Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's good. But when it's bad... it's still pretty good!

   God... I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect

   Hey Muslims, if you want 72 virgins just go to your local cinema today for a Twilight showing and you'll have plenty to choose from.

   If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy