Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.

   Did you know that "Dammit I'm Mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm Mad?"

   I can't undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted.

   I think I just contracted herpes in my eyes from watching Jersey Shore.

   American Gladiator sports such as the giant hamster rolling ball thing should be introduced at the next olympics.

   I saw the new Facebook movie. Filling the theater with annoying people adds a realistic touch.

   It hurts me to see your "I'm in a relationship" status on Facebook.

   If I've learned anything from TV it's that kids will never be successful athletics or honor students unless I drive a minivan.

   I hope and pray for the day that seals become domesticated. I already have a saddle picked out for when I take mine for a walk.

   According to WebMD my symptoms mean I died 3 years ago.

   Whoever invented invisible fences for dogs should be fired.

   Creepy drunken compliments are sometimes the price we pay for freedom!

   "Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.

   The postage is outrageous on these mail order brides!

   I recognize three out of the fifty ingredients listed here. This is food, right? I'll eat it, but I'll never understand it.

   Take a lesson from the weather. Learn to be talked about without responding.

   Of all the unsolved mysteries, I wonder why we must stop talking to be able to start peeing.

   Sometimes life just needs a good, hard CTRL ALT DELETE.

   How are babies not self-consciousness of their thighs?

   I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can't get off the couch or I'll die.