Eddy Funny Status Messages

   this is a good time to buy the Halloween candy. it makes great stocking stuffers

   since twitter doubled the length of tweets, does that mean now I double the name? I'm gonna go post a tweet tweet

   those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope

   when idiots do the "Tide pod challenge" & a friend records it, are they POD casting?

   In honor of the super bowl, whenever I go to poop today, i'll refer to it as "taking the browns to the super bowl"

   idk why the amazon CEO doesn't cal l himself the "Amazon Prime Minister"

   I see house flies in the house...horse flies near horses...so why do I never see dragon flies on episodes of Game of Thrones?

   if I pay Netflix each month & choose to watch Star Trek, am I paying a DATA plan?

   I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's

   I bet now Martin Shkreli wish he had that anti-parasite medicine

   if the brown delivery truck is UPS,why doesnt FEDEX change their name to DOWNS since they are their opposing company?

   pi day & hump day....it must be "Jason Biggs day"

   I put the Nicoderm patch on my exhaust pipe & it still smokes. I don't think those work as good as they claim

   "don't put all your eggs in one basket" .....good thing we use store bags

   a married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy

   giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed

   remember moms, if you smell burnt toast you're not having a stroke...its the kids trying to make breakfast

   Everyone is talking about the royal wedding but life isn't a game of thrones

   this new "space force" we're going to have....will basic training include making the kessel run in less than 12 parsecs

   if the "space force" ever drops a dirty bomb on Uranus, they better call it "operation taco bell"