anonymous Funny Status Messages

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

   was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi =(

   on the limits of not going so well

   trying to convince the parents she is a responsible adult. So far it isn't an easy ride.

   will be giving a live performance today...shower curtain goes up at 5 exactly so be there.

   ( . )Y( . )

   Never Ever Ever Play leap Frog with A Unicorn

   available in HD.....highly demented!!!!!

   Gone on a vacation with Satan

   not on speaking terms with his liver

   asks, "What do you get when you cross ketchup with wasabi? WASSUP!"

   wants you to read this status. Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now give me a hot dog!

   can't help but notice that fettucini alfredo is just fancy adult speak for macaroni and cheese.

   n. 1: An intelligent individual. 2: One who writes dictionary definitions of himself in an effort to look intelligent.

   thinks it's pretty stupid that he can't remove his name from the status box here. I mean what kind of guy speaks of himself in third-person anyway? For real...

   over white knights on horses... Bring on the vampire in the volvo!!!

   not allowed to use metaphors anymore. It's like an applesauce sandwich trying to teabag a Yeti. Know what I mean?

   angry,she caught Chlamydia from a bicycle seat

   wondering if the I.R.S. will noticed she claimed A.I.G. and Obama's mother-in-law as dependents!

   making a sex tape and shooting up heroin with Miley Cyrus