StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   I don't know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese's to a box of tampons could literally save lives.

   Did we try giving the government a snickers?

   I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.

   Based on their music alone, I think it's safe to say that Adele and Drake were hurt by the same man.

   My friend was upset that he lost out on a promotion at work to an attractive older woman. I told him not to cry over skilled MILF.

   Calm down check out guy, you don't have to inspect my $20 so hard, If I was talented enough to make my own, I wouldn't be in Quickie Mart.

   I hate when my customers send angry emails to my boss just because I answered all of their questions with "Google it, f*ckface."

   All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don't get into relationships.

   Scooby Doo taught us that the real monsters are humans.

   'LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.

   It all went to hell when attacking what we hate became more important than defending what we love.

   Me: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you're smart too, I like that.

   When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.

   Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. The only KKK that will let bIack guys inside them.

   Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Chinese food condiment packets.

   Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love? If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.

   I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.

   My life is like a never-ending episode of The Walking Dead where nothing happens but somehow everything is f*cked.

   I've created a shoe made out of Lego, so when you step on Lego it doesn't hurt. You just get taller.

   I made this status nice and short so you can just move onto the next one.