Eddy Funny Status Messages

   raisins....nonalcoholic box of wine

   I opened up this app & just keep swiping right at all the sexy pictures...I can't believe how many selfies I have stored in my pictures

   I was wearing glasses before it was a Snapchat filter...I'm a trendsetter

   rubix cube: the original fidget toy

   DUI of the Tiger

   people either say i'm "pretty funny" or "pretty smart" but they always forget the word "and"

   we shoot off Chinese fireworks to celebrate our freedom from the British

   forget senior discounts..Oj can get free stuff just buy saying something like "I'd kill to have some coffee right now"

   If I was out there on a boat or scuba diving, It'd be "shart week" for me

   when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall

   If your Tupperware has "nutrition facts" on the side of the container, you might be a redneck

   I'm sure the white house has leaks....it's an old building

   everyone is making a big deal about seeing an eclipse...haven't they sat down in a movie theater before?

   with all these statues getting removed, I'm worried now about asking "the general" about car insurance

   With the way humanity follows directions, I look for a lot of people to need a seeing eye dog soon

   I thought Hurricane Harvey was the miss Universe thing

   It looks like everyone wants Jon Snow to play NFL...he wont bend a knee

   leave it to Hugh Hefner to die on hump day

   Lasik surgery is at least $500 to just fix an eye....on wheel of fortune I can buy the I for half that price

   I wonder if Harvey Weinstein & Bill Cosby sit around swapping stories