zinc Funny Status Messages

   How can the world end in 2012, if I have a can of corn that expires in 2013?

   People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing all the time.

   Did I already post my Alzheimer update?

   They say revenge is a dish best served cold. But they also say revenge is sweet. I think they are trying to say revenge is ice cream.

   If I died and went to Hell, it would take me at least a week to figure out I wasn't at work anymore.

   Some DJ keeps calling my phone and leaving me mixed messages.

   I was in a bar the other night, moving from stool to stool trying to get lucky... but there wasn't gum under any of them."

   GOP budget to slash disease research? Now we'll NEVER find a cure for Bieber Fever!

   Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend.

   Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.

   Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 332 words.

   just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

   Say no to drugs. Although, if you're talking to drugs, it may be too late.

   thinks Google Maps needs an "Avoid Ghetto" option.

   can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.

   My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

   With fewer toothpaste choices on the market now, maybe those 5 dentists can finally agree.

   You act like I was drinking alone...but I had the entire Verizon network with me

   Michael Phelps probaby just threw away any of his medals that weren't gold.

   If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates - Jay Leno