tsparks Funny Status Messages

   Boy: "Are those space pants? Cause your a** is outta this world" Girl: "No, they are softball pants, & this a** is outta your league

   SCARIEST THING EVER: Flushing a toilet & seeing the water coming up instead of going down

   why is it that when you fart silent somebody rushes towards you to talk, hugs you, or sits behind you??

   Welcome to Facebook! Where liars tell more lies, enemies are Facebook friends, weak people turn into Facebook gangsters, haters complain about haters and every person who talks about money ain't got none.

   I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he doesn't let you touch anything

   I'm not a Justin Bieber fan, I don't even like the music. But seriously, I'm sick of all the hating. I don't care how the singer looks like. I'm not defending anyone, but didn't your parents teach you to respect women?

   Did you know, That if you yell "bloody Mary" 3 times in front of ur mirror at 3AM ur mom will show up & tell you to shut up and go to bed?

   "Babe, is it in?" "Yeah" "Is it hurting?" "Mmhmm" "Let me try to put it in slowly" "Ouch,it still hurts!" "Ok, let's try another shoe size...

   You can wake someone who is sleeping but you can't wake up someone pretending to sleep.

   Newly divorced woman explaining reason for splitting: We had religious differences - he thought he was God, I didn't.

   Everything seems to be louder, when you dont want anybody to wake up

   Pretty excited that the Patriots and the Giants are opening for Madonna at the Superbowl

   I may look calm but in my head I've killed you 3 times

   that sad moment when you return to your ordinary life after watching a awesome movie :(

   Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it

   Attitude like a underwear , don't show it , just wear it.

   Women may not hit harder.....but they can hit lower

   Did you know "bathtub" backwards is still "bathtub"? It's not, but for a second there you believed me

   2010: You're only cool if you have silly bands. 2011: Planking is the bomb! 2012: Let's go choke on cinnamon

   thinks that If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi