psycho Funny Status Messages

   [Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there

   You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"

   A cop pulled me over this morning but let me go. Maybe these man boobs aren't all bad after all!

   Free middle fingers for everyone!!!

   I don't wanna make this weird but that's just kinda how I do things.

   Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.

   I think the hands of time have been molesting me.

   Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough

   My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat

   According to my bloodshot eyes I'm not approachable today

   Its safe to visit my FB page friends. That smell is now gone.

   *Taps life on shoulder* What's your fcukin problem with me?

   I don't have any room in my heart for you, but I do have space for you in my trunk.

   If it wasn't for my excitement to hate someone new I wouldn't leave my bed in the morning.

   Welcome to Chopped. Your mystery basket ingredients are four of your exes, from which you must create one decent human being.

   The genie that I rubbed to get my three wishes was not a genie at all. Anyone got bail money?

   A serial killer, that only targets couples in matching outfits.

   I bet if I flashed my hand grenade this guy would let me merge

   Looking for originality her e is like looking for a virgin in a wh0rehouse.

   Starting my weekend off right with a simmering rage. It's a beautiful day for violence!