pimpjuice Funny Status Messages

   Male version: why buy the camel when you can get the toe for free?

   on a positive note, I got the results of my drug test back today

   I love my new wood heater. Women actually want to take their clothes off for a change

   I can't believe Walmart already has Valentine's Day stuff out. which reminds me.. I need to lose my girlfriend soon

   Boy it's nice out today... our at least that's what it says on my computer.

   I knew my wifes cooking was getting out of hand when the flies chipped in on a screen door

   I thought the new $100 bill was new... Turns out I've just been broke since they came out

   You can't hang around trifling people, you will begin to think it's normal if you have nothing else to compare it to

   I only buy comforter sets that have white spots in the pattern

   keep your friends close, your shotgun closer.

   Day 88: I am thankful for my joke site. Without it I wouldn't be nearly as amusing on Facebook.

   my phone says it still isn't snowing. Has anyone checked outside?

   ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!

   My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "You're donating to Locks of Love?"

   someone to love and someone that loves me. and it would be awesome if they were the same person for once

   I heard it's no bread, no head. Well ladies, I just picked a loaf up!

   The worst part about having a teenager is every time I lose my weed, I freak out and wonder if my son took it.

   All I'm saying is if she was any dumber I'd have to water her.

   It really shouldn't be that hard to convict Bill Cosby. Everyone knows that the proof is in the pudding!

   So let me get this straight. Hot dogs are the new cancer sticks?