nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   As a white person, I was offended on just how "white" the cast in Twilight Eclipse were.

   Ever try to take a Barbie out of it's packaging??? What, is she going to escape? Is she into bondage?

   When I say "I understand", it doesn't mean I agree, it doesn't mean I understand, it doesn't even mean I'm listening.

   Men - Alcohol impairs your ability to make good decisions. We don't want you to lose that ability... we want her to.

   I'd tap that...Haha....kidding I wouldn't even poke that on Facebook.

   Why do they put slow cashiers on the speedy checkouts?

   I like to play "Rodeo Cowboy" with my girlfriend. Whenever we're making love and I'm behind her, I call her by a different name and see how long I can hold on.

   Suppose I should get a girlfriend. Yep, I'm almost out of cologne.

   I can be the only guy at Walmart at two in the morning but as soon as I whip that box of Tampax on the belt, the checkout line is full and they do a price check.

   Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart?

   I don't know why some girls refuse to use a porta-potty. It's not like us men pee on the seat on purpose...geesh:)

   There's no such thing as being "big boned." How many fat skeletons have you ever seen???

   it me or are 75% of the people that use handicap parking spots not suffering from a handicap at all???

   You may think I'm dumb but you over estimate me.

   One of the best parts about Saturday and Sunday mornings is reading the Status Updates people post after a night of drinking.

   Okay...someone explain this to me. You have five urinals in a public restroom and are using the one all the way at the end. Someone walks in and....out of the four other available urinals, decides to "neighbor pee" in the one next to you......WTH?!?

   Would it be good news or bad news if your Girlfriend told you that she was already married???

   Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.

   I want to date a girl with an accent. Well....maybe just a really slow girl that sounds like she has an accent. I'm not picky:)

   Ever accidentally pull something out of your purse thinkin it was a pen when checking out?? Yep, that's how my days goin...