minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   So, this whole Mayan 12/21 thing - does anyone know if that's Mayan Standard Time or Mayan Daylight Time? Asking for a friend.

   They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.

   I made it through 1/1/1, 2/2/2 all the way through 12/12/12! Whoo-hoo! I'm feeling pretty invincible....Bring on 13/13/13!!!

   Yo, Australia! Is the apocalypse happening? I need to know if the orgy I'm currently having is validated or if it will just make my husband upset.....

   As I scroll through my FB feed this holiday season, I find myself overcome with emotion and love. And then I remember I've had a lot of tequila and eggnog and I pass out on the floor.

   The next time you come across a Mayan making a calendar, leave him the f*** alone!

   Does anyone know what an 'Ofah Queue' is? Because that's what my husband said he got me for Christmas this year.

   I survived the Mayan Apocalypse and all I got was this lousy hangover.

   Never trust a Chia Pet.....don't ask.

   My ornaments are starting to droop. Yeah, time to ask Santa for a new bra.

   This man's so impressed with my driving that he got next to me just to show me he's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger..

   Bourbon is the elixer of the gods. Therefore, I'm not an alcoholic - I'm divine.

   Kiss me ~ it's midnight somewhere.

   News Alert for New Years Eve!! Government warning!!! According to the Surgeon General: When women consume alcohol, it impairs their ability to say “no”! So.... who's buying me a drink?

   Where the heck is that "Polka" button on Facebook that everyone keeps talking about?! I have my accordion and I'm ready to boogie.

   Contrary to what you may think, my moral compass is not broken. It just happens to be pointing toward hell

   I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I think I'll call it a 'Towel'.

   well..... so much for my 'not killing time with Facebook' resolution.

   AACK! I just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1996. Ohhhh it is ON!

   Advice please. I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had “you win” written on it. Do I celebrate with white wine or red?